THE WALL: a blog of Baptist Voice Ministries

Congratulations

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet
of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the
enclosed card, that it expressed “Deepest Sympathy”.
While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang.
It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong
card.

“Oh, it’s alright.” said the storekeeper. “I’m a businessman
and I understand how these things can happen.”

“But,” added the florist, “I accidentally sent your card to a
funeral party.”

“Well, what did it say?” asked the storekeeper.

“Congratulations on your new location.” was the reply.

A Blonde GUY Joke

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction
work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating
lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get
corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump
off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again!
If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a
bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef
and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped
to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I
never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him
tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife.

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are you ready for it………………..

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worth the wait ………………………

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here it comes …………………………..

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“Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “He makes his own lunch.”

A professor was one day walking along a very
narrow street when he came face to face with
a rival. The street was too narrow for two to pass.

The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said
haughtily, “I never make way for fools!”

Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said,
“I always do.”

Maybe It Isn’t a Baby?

A woman gets on a bus holding her baby.

“That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen,” says the bus driver.

In a huff, the woman slams her fare into the box and takes an aisle seat
near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her senses her agitation and asks what’s wrong.

“The bus driver insulted me!” she shouts.

The man replies, “Well, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to
insult passengers!”

You’re right,” says the woman. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him
a piece of my mind!”

“That’s a good idea,” the man replies. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”

Blue Necks

Blue Necks are Northerners — the opposite of
Rednecks. Because of Redneck jokes, here are some
takes on how Southern folks look at Northerners (or
how Northerners sometimes think of themselves;)

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF…

Instead of referring to two or more people as “Y’all,”
you call them “you guys,” even if both of them are
women.

You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.

You would never stop to buy something somebody was
cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled
peanuts).

You don’t have any problems pronouncing
“Worcestershire sauce” correctly.

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to
grits.

You don’t know what a moon pie is.

You’ve never had an RC Cola.

You’ve never, ever eaten okra — fried, boiled, or
pickled.

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

You’ve never seen a live chicken, and the only cows
you’ve seen are on road trips.

You have no idea what a polecat is.

You don’t see anything wrong with putting a sweater on
your dog.

You don’t have bangs.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than
grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

You drink either “Pop” or “Soda”- instead of “Cokes.”

You’ve never eaten and don’t know how to make a tomato
sandwich.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a
gun-‘n-knife show.

You think more money should go to important scientific
research at your university than to pay the salary of
the head football coach.

You don’t even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around
the house.

The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone
from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.

You don’t have any hats in your closet that advertise
feed stores.

You have more than one professional sports team in
your home state.

You call binoculars opera glasses.

You can’t spit out the car window without pulling over
to the side of the road and stopping.

You don’t know anyone with at least two first names
(i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba
Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice).

You don’t know any women with male names (i.e.,
Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie).

You don’t have Maw-maw’s & Pawpaw’s.

You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to
you.

None of your fur coats are homemade.