GRIN AND SHARE IT: A Bible Quiz

Posted on September 11, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

Bible Quiz

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah: he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter: she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.

Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A. Nebuchadnezzar: he was on grass for seven years.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Volkswagen Beetle: 2 Cor. 4:8 “We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement.”

Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A. In the big inning. Eve stole first; Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?
A. They were really put out.

Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
A. They really raised Cain.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
A. They used floodlights.

Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David: he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
A. The thought had never entered his head before.

Q. If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
A. No, he already fell for it once.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A. Turn right and go straight.

Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around the Jordan: the banks were always overflowing.

Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
A. Because in Job 16:12, 14, 16 we read, “I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me.”

Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.

Q. Which bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
A. He only had two worms!

Q. How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
A. Because Noah sat on the deck

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson; he really brought the house down.

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True and False Guilt

Posted on September 10, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

I feel guilty sometime and can’t pinpoint the reason.  All of us feel guilty from time to time.  As Christians, we are bombarded with lists of things we are supposed to do.  Someone wryly observed that guilt is the gift that lasts forever.  How tragic that so many of us suffer from never-ending guilt.

It is right to feel guilty when we stray from God’s will or give in to a temptation.  This is the Holy Spirit convicting us of sin, prompting us to confess it to God.  When we confess it, we should no longer feel guilty because it no longer exists. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”  (Psalm 103:12)  Technically, if ask for God to forgive a sin and still feel guilty and request forgiveness again, God would say, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”   That guilt is not the Holy Spirit convicting you; it is Satan accusing you in an effort to rob you of joy.

There is no need to feel guilty for not being perfect.  Many of us have impossible expectations of ourselves.  We somehow think that as a Christian we should be living flawless lives.  We are weak human beings and are going to fall.  Such guilt is false and destructive to our faith.  I have seen some good Christians that constantly felt guilty for not being perfect and finally simply threw up there hands and quit.  They are no longer attending church or serving the Lord.

Rather than allowing ourselves in being trapped in false guilt, we should live life aggressively, knowing we will make mistakes but knowing also that Christ has paid the price for our salvation.  When we fall and give in to temptation, we should get up, confess our sin, and, confident of God’s grace and forgiveness, move forward again.

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Are You Wanting to Give Up?

Posted on September 9, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

Have you ever felt like just giving up?  All of us have faced those feelings from time to time–in an argument, at work, in marriage, during a game, and even in the Christian life.  Difficulties drain our energy, and eventually we wonder if it is worth the effort.  If you are now tempted to “give up”, I request that you first consider the following suggestions:

(1) Get some rest.  Tired people find it difficult to cope with just about any task or responsibility.  If you are exhausted, your problem is not spiritual.  You simply need some sleep.

(2) Check your feelings.  Have you been through a defeat lately or a period of stress?  Subconsciously, this may be draining your spiritual energy.  Recognizing and dealing with this can give renewed energy for the Christian life.

(3) Talk to someone.  Don’t give up or try to bear this burden alone.  Find a good Christian friend and talk to them.  Often, speaking with your pastor will be of great help.

(4) Go back to the basics.  You may have adopted the wrong idea about Christian growth, thinking that it depends on your performance.  Peel back the layers of dos, don’ts, and duties and start trusting in Christ for each day.  Spiritual maturity does not happen overnight.  God works in us slowly and surely (Philippians 2:12, 13) conforming us to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29).  Look back and see what God has already accomplished in your life.

(5) Depend on God. This sounds like a cliche, but it contains a profound truth.  The fact that your Christian growth doesn’t depend on you; it depends on God.  Simply yield to him, allowing him to work in your life.  Simply put, if you know what God wants you to do, do it.  If you do not know, ask him.

(6) Take a spiritual retreat.  Get away for a few hours or days and spend time alone, listening and talking to God.  Allow him to refresh you spiritually   and give you a renewed desire to glorify him with your life.

Jesus set the example of getting away from people and communicating with God.  Before you give up, I do pray you will seriously consider the above suggestions.  Remember that the fight is not over until one dog quits.

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When Do I Decide to Leave a Church?

Posted on September 8, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

One year ago I retired and my wife and I moved to Austin to be near our older son and family.  The first Sunday here our cloths were still packed and we did not get to attend any church.  The next Sunday we did.  Soon we joined Great Hills Baptist Church and are so thankful for our church.  We are satisfied and have no plans to leave.  During my ministry I have been asked more than once how a person could know it was time to find a new church.

Many say, “I’m just not getting anything out of it.”  “Getting” from a church is an unhealthy concept.  Many Christians have simply become church shoppers, looking for the hottest program in town.  If we are looking only for maximum personal gain, we will never find that ultimate local fellowship that will please all of our “needs.”

There are situations when leaving a church may seem necessary:
(1) When you move across town yourself.  My wife and I drive 17 miles to our church in Austin.  There are many members that drive further than that.  When you move across town ask yourself if you will become less involved as I tire of driving the distance to the old church?  If so, move to a church closer to home where you can willingly serve wholeheartedly.  Often a transfer to a church of the same denomination lessens the shock and keeps you in touch with friends from the previous church.

(2) When family needs dictate it.  We have a responsibility to our family.  If a member of the family becomes handicapped  and must attend a church that has aids for the handicapped,  you should attempt to find a church that does if you present church does not.  Our children can become alienated from Christianity due to a negative church experience.  All of the idealism (they need to learn to enjoy it) doesn’t lessen our responsibility to introduce Jesus Christ to them in a very positive way.

(3) When you longer agree with the theology.  Sometime the leadership of a church can gradually drift from the theology upon which the church was founded.  If this happens, you owe it to yourself and family to leave.

Before leaving a church, we should spend much time praying about this important decision.  Talk with your family about the type of church they like.  Make a list of churches in your area that meet this criteria.  Research churches that may be of interest.  Visit other churches.  As soon as possible join another church.  It is important that the family attends church faithfully.  Once the change has been made, never say any negative thing about the church you left.  Do not try to get personal friends to join you in leaving the previous church. Become active in the new church and get involved in ministry to others.

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: Last Rites

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

Last Rites

A man lay dying and he began to yell out, “I need a priest, I need a priest!”

Another man came along and asked what was wrong.

The dying man said, “I need a priest to give me last rites, I’m dying,” the man said.

“There are no priests around here, but maybe I can help.” I’m not a religious person myself, but I have lived next to the Catholic Church my whole life and I hear their ritual all the time. I think that I can say it for you.”

The dying man said, “Thank You.”

So the helpful man leaned close to the dying man and in a soft voice repeated the ritual as he has heard it so many times:

“B-6, N-33, G-52, I-24, … Bingo.”

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Why Do Christians Suffer?

Posted on September 6, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

A few weeks ago my wife was awake most of the night with very severe pain.  I took her to the emergency room at a local hospital where they determined she was trying to pass a kidney stone.  She is a Christian, but suffered.  During the past 50 years I have ministered to hundreds of Christian people that were in pain.  It may be personal pain or pain observed–Grandmother’s heart attack, a friend struggling with cancer, earthquake victims in a foreign country, the victims of a hurricane–that makes us ask why.

First, it is important to understand that pain can be good.  Do you remember how your muscles felt two days after your first session of working out?  They hurt but you felt good about getting in shape.  Perhaps this is why locker rooms display the cliche “No pain, no gain!”  God has given us pain as a warning system.  When we eat poorly, our stomachs tells us.  When we touch a hot pan on the stove, the pain tells us to quickly remove our hand.  A life without any pain would lead to disaster as we unknowingly destroyed our bodies through everyday wear and tear.

Secondly, it is important to understand that pain is part of our mortality.   The fact is no one lives forever on this earth.  As finite human beings, we have built-in obsolescence–we are falling apart.  Most of us live as though pain and suffering were unusual.  In reality, “one out of one” of us dies.  Pain is part of the package.

Thirdly, it is important to understand that pain can teach us valuable lessons.  In other words, God may be allowing you to experience suffering to tell you something about Him or about yourself or to cause you to change your behavior. Romans 8:28 promises that God will weave together for good everything that happens to us, but this does not teach that our life will be pain free.  The Bible says everything will “work together for good”, not that “everything will be good.”
Often God will mix the pain with other ingredients that ultimately produce good.

Jesus promised his disciples that their lives would be filled with persecutions, trials, and sorrows (John 16:31-33).  Soon after he told them this, he  endured the pains of crucifixion.  In the midst of suffering, therefore, we should be asking, What can I learn from this?  See James 1:2-4 and Philippians 4:11-13 about the importance of our attitude toward suffering.

Fourthly, it is important to understand that our lives on earth are not the whole story.  Eternity is infinitely longer than the longest life here, and how we spend it is infinitely more important than the quality of life on earth.  God promises us that the mortal will be clothed with immortality (I Corinthians 15:53-57), that our sufferings are for “a little while” (I Peter 5:8-11), and that he has “overcome the world” (John 16:33).  Eventually all suffering will end, death will be destroyed, evil and sin will be punished, and God’s perfect love and justice will reign.

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Why Should the State Endorse Gay Marriage?

Posted on September 5, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

(Post Author: Bill Pratt)

I wrote a post recently about why the state endorses and promotes marriage between a man and a woman.  Simply put, the state needs children and it needs children raised in the ideal environment for them to become productive adult citizens, which is a family headed by a man and a woman.  Biology, common sense, and vast empirical research prove this to be the case.  Additionally, traditional marriage domesticates men and protects mothers.

Based on these societal interests, why would the state want to endorse gay marriage?

Gay marriages do not produce children.  In fact, the only way a same sex couple can “produce” children is to use people from outside their marriage.  They cannot procreate by themselves and they rely on traditional male-female sexual unions to provide children.

Gay marriages are not the ideal environment to raise children.  Every single gay marriage deprives a child of either a father or a mother.  Again, nature, common sense, and empirical research all demonstrate that children thrive best when they are raised in a family with a father and mother.

Gay marriage does nothing to domesticate men.  The great majority of gay men are not monogamous; they seek sexual gratification outside their primary relationship.  One study tracked 100 gay male couples, and after 5 years not one couple could boast that both partners had remained sexually faithful.  The idea of two men gay men living faithfully in a long-term commitment is a myth.  The research proves just the opposite.

Only gay marriages between women provide any sort of security or protection for a mother.  The quality of that security is debatable, but it seems like it could provide better security than single motherhood.

So, to summarize, at least 3 out of the 4 primary reasons that the state promotes traditional marriage do not apply to gay marriages.  It is only if marriage is completely redefined and its purpose fundamentally altered that same sex marriage advocates have any kind of argument.

You may think same sex marriage is harmless to our society (I disagree but that is a topic for another day), but I want to know why the state should endorse it.  After all, that is what gay marriage advocates want – a state endorsement of their relationship.  There are plenty of relationships that are harmless that the state does not promote.  What is so special about this one?

Make an argument for why we should radically alter our marriage laws.  Show us why, if you are a gay marriage proponent, this is so good for our entire nation.

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: Marriage on the Mind

Posted on September 4, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, ‘Are you a stranger here?’
He replies, ‘I lived here several years ago.’
‘So, where were you all these years?’
‘In prison,’ he says.
‘Why did they put you in prison?’
He looked at her, and very quietly said, ‘I killed my wife.’

‘Oh!’ said the woman. ‘So you’re single…?’

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: Show and Tell

Posted on September 4, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

Show and Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a “show and tell” assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David.”

The second student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Mary. I’m a Catholic and this is a Rosary.”

The third student got in up front of the class and said, “My name is Tommy. I am Baptist, and this is a casserole.”

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: Memory

Posted on September 4, 2011 by Dr. Mike Harmon

Two elderly people lived in a Del Webb community, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.
The two were at the same table, across from one another.
As the  meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, ‘Will you marry me?’
After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered ‘Yes. Yes, I will!’
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. ‘Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?’
He couldn’t remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, ‘When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No?’

He was delighted to hear her say, ‘Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.’ Then she continued ‘  And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.’

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