Odd Signs From England

Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE
ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
*
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
*
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
*
Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
*
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
*
On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS
DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE
DOOR.)
*
English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING.
*
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
*
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN
CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
*
Outside a photographer’s studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.
*
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
*
Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN.
EVERYONE WELCOME.
*
Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE
DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
*
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND
VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED
IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER.
*
Notice in a dry cleaner’s window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR
MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
*
Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR
LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
*
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
*
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
*
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
*
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD
FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
*
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET
LESSONS.
*
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR –
THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
*
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.