THE WALL: a blog of Baptist Voice Ministries

And So It Was Done

One day in heaven, the Lord decided he would visit the earth and take
astroll. Walking down the road, the Lord encountered a man who was
crying. The Lord asked the man, “Why are you crying,
my son?”

The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord
touched the man and he could see and he was happy.

As the Lord walked further, he met another man crying and asked,
“Why are you crying, my son?”

The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched
him and he could walk and he was happy.

Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and
asked, “Why are you crying, my son?” The man said, “Lord, I work for
the Government,” and the Lord sat down and cried with him.

There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her
business, so she did a lot of flying. Flying made her very, very nervous,
so she always took her Bible along with her to read as it helped relax her
on the long flights.

One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her
pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to
what he was doing.

After awhile, he turned to her and asked, “You don’t
really believe all that stuff in there do you?”

The lady replied, “Of course I do. It is the Bible.”

He said, “Well, what about that guy that was swallowed
by that whale?”

She replied, “Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in
the Bible.”

He asked, “Well, how do you suppose he survived all that
time inside the whale?”

The lady said, “Well, I don’t really know. I guess when
I get to heaven, I will ask him.”

“What if he isn’t in heaven?” the man asked sarcastically.

“Then you can ask him,” replied the lady.

Brain Teasers

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins
with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in 3
years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5
minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of
this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still
tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you
throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious how quickly you can find out
what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was
wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual
though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything
odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so
without any coaching!

ANSWERS

1. The third. Lions that haven’t eaten in three years are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry.

3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the
barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.

4. The answer is Charcoal.

5. Sure you can Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

6. The letter “e”, which is the most common letter in the English
language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.

The $100 Phone Call

John Madden was in Dallas in October to announce a football game
one weekend when he noticed a special phone near the Cowboys’ bench.
He asked the coach what it was for & was told it was a hotline to God.

John asked if he could use it.

Coach told him, “Sure, but it’ll cost you $100.”
Madden scratched his head, then thought, what the heck I need a
break picking the games. He pulled out his wallet and paid the $100.
Madden was perfect that week.

The next weekend Madden was in Minnesota in December when he
noticed the same kind of phone on the Viking bench. He asked the coach
what the phone was for and was told, “It’s the hotline to God, and if you
want to use it, it’ll cost $100.”

Recalling last week, Madden pulled out his wallet, paid the money
& made the call. Madden was perfect that week.

The next weekend Madden was in the Atlanta Georgia
Dome when he noticed the same kind of phone by the Falcon’s
bench. He asked Dan Reeves, “Is that phone the hotline to God?”

Dan said, “Yes, and if you want to use it, it’ll cost 35 cents.”

Madden looked incredulously at the coach and said, “Wait a second,
I just paid $100 at Dallas & $100 at Minnesota to use the same phone
to God. Why does Atlanta only charge 35 cents?”

Dan looked at Madden & replied, “In Atlanta, it’s a local call.”

A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being
greeted by St. Peter. She asked him, “Oh, is this place what I really think it
is? It’s so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?”

To which St. Peter replied, “Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven.
But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do
to pass through the gates.

“Spell a word,” St. Peter replied.

“What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”

The woman promptly replied, “Then the word I will spell is love.
L-o-v-e.”

St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven,
and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few
minutes while he went to the bathroom. “I’d be honored,” she said, “but
what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?” St. Peter
reassured her, and instructed the woman simply have any newcomers
to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair and watching the beautiful
angels soaring around her, when lo and behold, a man approaches the
gates, and she realizes it is her husband.

“What happened?” she cried, “Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, “I was so upset when I
left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make
it to Heaven?”

To which the woman replied, “Not yet. You must spell a word
first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded, “Czechoslovakia.”