GRIN AND SHARE IT: “Answering Machine Messages”


Answering Machine Messages

“Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets.”

“Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with
her tape deck, so I’m stuck taking her calls. If you’d like anything cooked
while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.”

“Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My
owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub. Their carpets are always
clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need any
pictures taken. They believe the stock market is a random crapshoot, and the
entire insurance industry is one huge scam perpetrated by Mafioso
accountants. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number, and they
will get back to you.”

“Hi. I am probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a
message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.”

“This is not an answering machine: this is a telepathic thought recording
device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and
a number where you can be reached, and my owner will think about returning


“Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a
message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.”

“If you are a burglar, then we’re probably at home cleaning our weapons
right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren’t home,
and it’s safe to leave us a message.”

“You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very, sleepy
now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist
suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to
leave your name, number, and a message.”

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“What does the Bible say about Purgatory?”


 According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, Purgatory is “a place or condition of temporal punishment for those who, departing this life in God’s grace, are not entirely free from venial faults, or have not fully paid the satisfaction due to their transgressions.” To summarize, in Catholic theology Purgatory is a place that a Christian’s soul goes to after death to be cleansed of the sins that had not been fully satisfied during life. Is this doctrine of Purgatory in agreement with the Bible? Absolutely not!

Jesus died to pay the penalty for all of our sins (Romans 5:8). Isaiah 53:5 declares, “But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.” Jesus suffered for our sins so that we could be delivered from suffering. To say that we must also suffer for our sins is to say that Jesus’ suffering was insufficient. To say that we must atone for our sins by cleansing in Purgatory is to deny the sufficiency of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus (1 John 2:2). The idea that we have to suffer for our sins after death is contrary to everything the Bible says about salvation.

The primary Scriptural passage Catholics point to for evidence of Purgatory is 1Corinthians 3:15, which says, “If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.” The passage (1 Corinthians 3:12-15) is using an illustration of things going through fire as a description of believers’ works being judged. If our works are of good quality “gold, sliver, costly stones,” they will pass through the fire unharmed, and we will be rewarded for them. If our works are of poor quality “wood, hay, and straw,” they will be consumed by the fire, and there will be no reward. The passage does not say that believers pass through the fire, but rather that a believer’s works pass through the fire. 1 Corinthians 3:15 refers to the believer “escaping through the flames,” not “being cleansed by the flames.”

Purgatory, like many other Catholic dogmas, is based on a misunderstanding of the nature of Christ’s sacrifice. Catholics view the Mass / Eucharist as a re-presentation of Christ’s sacrifice because they fail to understand that Jesus’ once-for-all sacrifice was absolutely and perfectly sufficient (Hebrews 7:27). Catholics view meritorious works as contributing to salvation due to a failure to recognize that Jesus’ sacrificial payment has no need of additional “contribution” (Ephesians 2:8-9). Similarly, Purgatory is understood by Catholics as a place of cleansing in preparation for heaven because they do not recognize that because of Jesus’ sacrifice, we are already cleansed, declared righteous, forgiven, redeemed, reconciled, and sanctified.

The very idea of Purgatory and the doctrines that are often attached to it (prayer for the dead, indulgences, meritorious works on behalf of the dead, etc.) all fail to recognize that Jesus’ death was sufficient to pay the penalty for ALL of our sins. Jesus, who was God incarnate (John 1:1, 14), paid an infinite price for our sin. Jesus died for our sins (1 Corinthians 15:3). Jesus is the atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 2:2). To limit Jesus’ sacrifice to atoning for original sin, or sins committed before salvation, is an attack on the Person and Work of Jesus Christ. If we must in any sense pay for, atone for, or suffer because of our sins – that indicates Jesus’ death was not a perfect, complete, and sufficient sacrifice.

For believers, after death is to be “away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:6-8; Philippians 1:23). Notice that this does not say “away from the body, in Purgatory with the cleansing fire.” No, because of the perfection, completion, and sufficiency of Jesus’ sacrifice, we are immediately in the Lord’s presence after death, fully cleansed, free from sin, glorified, perfected, and ultimately sanctified.

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“What is the difference between dating and courting?”


 Dating and courtship are two methods of beginning relationships with the opposite sex. While there are non-Christians who date with the intention of having a series of intimate physical relationships, for the Christian this is not acceptable and should never be the reason for dating. Many Christians see dating as little more than friendship and maintain the friendship aspect of their dating until both people are ready to commit to each another as potential marriage partners. First and foremost, dating is a time when a Christian finds out if his or her potential marriage partner is also a believer in Christ. The Bible warns us that believers and unbelievers should not marry each other, because those living in the light (of Christ) and those living in the darkness cannot live in harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). As stated before, during this time there should be little or no physical contact, as this is something that should wait until marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

Courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage. Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner. Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.

There are problems inherent with both styles. For daters, spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom we find attractive can present temptations that can be very hard to resist. The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them. If they find this hard to do, they must take steps to ensure that Christ will always be honored during their time together and that sin is never given a chance to take hold of their relationship. Just as with the courting couple, the parents of the dating couple should be involved in the relationship, getting to know their child’s companion and being a source of wise and discerning advice and guidance for both of them.

Of course, the courtship style presents its own set of difficulties. While many courtship advocates see it as the only choice for finding a mate, others find it oppressive and overly controlling. In addition, it can be hard to find the “real” person behind the public face presented in front of the entire family. No one is the same in a group setting as he or she is one-on-one. If a couple is never alone together, they never have that one-on-one opportunity to relate and get to know one another in emotional and spiritual intimacy. In addition, some courtship situations have led to borderline “arranged marriages” by the parents and have resulted in resentment in one or both of the young people.

It is important to remember that neither dating nor courtship is mandated in Scripture. In the end, the Christian character and spiritual maturity of the couple is far more important than the exact nature of how and when they spend time together. Scripturally speaking, the result of the process—godly Christian men and women marrying and raising families to the glory of God—is far more important than the method they use to achieve that result. “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31, NKJV).

Finally, care must be taken to avoid the pitfall of believing one’s personal preference—dating or courting—is the “only way” and looking down upon those who make the opposite choice. As in all things, the unity of the body of Christ should be of utmost importance in our minds, regardless of personal choices others make pertaining to issues on which the Bible is silent.

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: “The Tate Family”


The Tate Family

How many members of the Tate family belong to your
church?

There is old man Dic Tate, who wants to run everything,
while Uncle Ro Tate tries to change everything. Their
sister-in-law Agi Tate stirs up plenty of trouble, with
help from her husband, Irri Tate.

Whenever new projects are suggested, Hesi Tate and his
wife Vege Tate, want to wait until next year. Then there
is Aunt Imi Tate, who wants your organization to be like
all the others. Devas Tate provides the voice of doom.

And of course, there is the black sheep of the family,
Ampu Tate, who has cut himself off from the mainstream!

But not all the members of the Tate family are bad.
Facili Tate is quite helpful. And a delightful, happy
member of the family is Miss Felici Tate.

Cousins Cogi Tate and Medi Tate are always thinking things
over and lend helpful, steady hands.

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“Once saved always saved?”


 Once a person is saved are they always saved? When people come to know Christ as their Savior, they are brought into a relationship with God that guarantees their salvation as eternally secure. Numerous passages of Scripture declare this fact. (a)Romans 8:30 declares, “And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified.” This verse tells us that from the moment God chooses us, it is as if we are glorified in His presence in heaven. There is nothing that can prevent a believer from one day being glorified because God has already purposed it in heaven. Once a person is justified, his salvation is guaranteed – he is as secure as if he is already glorified in heaven.

(b) Paul asks two crucial questions in Romans 8:33-34 “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died more than that, who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.” Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? No one will, because Christ is our advocate. Who will condemn us? No one will, because Christ, the One who died for us, is the one who condemns. We have both the advocate and judge as our Savior.

(c) Believers are born again (regenerated) when they believe (John 3:3; Titus 3:5). For a Christian to lose his salvation, he would have to be un-regenerated. The Bible gives no evidence that the new birth can be taken away. (d) The Holy Spirit indwells all believers (John 14:7; Romans 8:9) and baptizes all believers into the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:13). For a believer to become unsaved, he would have to be “un-indwelt” and detached from the Body of Christ.

(e) John 3:15 states that whoever believes in Jesus Christ will “have eternal life.” If you believe in Christ today and have eternal life, but lose it tomorrow, then it was never “eternal” at all. Hence if you lose your salvation, the promises of eternal life in the Bible would be in error. (f) For the most conclusive argument, I think Scripture says it best itself, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). Remember the same God who saved you is the same God who will keep you. Once we are saved we are always saved. Our salvation is most definitely eternally secure!

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: “The Water Pistol”


The Water Pistol

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from
his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed
with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so
pleased.

I turned to Mom and said, “I’m surprised at you.
Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water
guns?”

Mom smiled and then replied…..”I remember.”

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“Where do I find the age of accountability in the Bible? What happens to babies and young children when they die?”


 The concept of the “age of accountability” is that children are not held accountable by God for their sins until they reach a certain age, and that if a child dies before reaching the “age of accountability,’ that child will, by the grace and mercy of God, be granted entrance into Heaven. Is the concept of an age of accountability biblical? Is there such a thing as an “age of innocence”?

Frequently lost in the discussion regarding the age of accountability is the fact that children, no matter how young, are not “innocent” in the sense of being sinless. The Bible tells us that even if an infant or child has not committed personal sin, all people, including infants and children, are guilty before God because of inherited and imputed sin. Inherited sin is that which is passed on from our parents. In Psalm 51:5, David wrote, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” David recognized that even at conception, he was a sinner. The very sad fact that infants sometimes die demonstrates that even infants are impacted by Adam’s sin, since physical and spiritual death were the results of Adam’s original sin.

Each person, infant or adult, stands guilty before God; each person has offended the holiness of God. The only way God can be just and at the same time declare a person righteous is for that person to have received forgiveness by faith in Christ. Christ is the only way. John 14:6 records what Jesus said: “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, except through Me.” Also, Peter states in Acts 4:12, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” Salvation is an individual choice.

What about babies and young children who never reach the ability to make this individual choice? The age of accountability is a concept that teaches those who die before reaching the age of accountability are automatically saved, by God’s grace and mercy. The age of accountability is a belief that God saves all those who die before reaching the ability to make a decision for or against Christ. Thirteen is the most common number given for the age of accountability, based on the Jewish custom that a child becomes an adult at the age of 13. However, the Bible gives no direct support to the age of 13 always being the age of accountability. It likely varies from child to child. A child has passed the age of accountability once he or she is capable of making a faith decision for or against Christ.

With the above in mind, also consider this: Christ’s death is presented as sufficient for all of mankind. First John 2:2 says Jesus is “the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” This verse is clear that Jesus’ death was sufficient for all sins, not just the sins of those who specifically have come to Him in faith. The fact that Christ’s death was sufficient for all sin would allow the possibility of God’s applying that payment to those who were never capable of believing.

The one passage that seems to identify with this topic more than any other is 2 Samuel 12:21-23 The context of these verses is that King David committed adultery with Bathsheba, with a resulting pregnancy. The prophet Nathan was sent by the Lord to inform David that because of his sin, the Lord would take the child in death. David responded to this by grieving, mourning, and praying for the child. But once the child was taken, David’s mourning ended. David’s servants were surprised to hear this. They said to King David, “What is this thing that you have done? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept; but when the child died, you arose and ate food.” David’s response was, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.’ But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” David’s response indicates that those who cannot believe are safe in the Lord. David said that he could go to the child, but that he could not bring the child back to him. Also, and just as important, David seemed to be comforted over this. In other words, David seemed to be saying that he would see the child (in heaven), though he could not bring him back.

Although it is possible that God applies Christ’s payment for sin to those who cannot believe, the Bible does not specifically say that He does this. Therefore, this is a subject about which we should not be adamant or dogmatic. God’s applying Christ’s death to those who cannot believe would seem consistent with His love and mercy. It is our position that God applies Christ’s payment for sin to young children and those who are mentally handicapped, since they were not mentally capable of understanding their sinful state and their need for the Savior, but again we cannot be dogmatic. Of this we are certain: God is loving, holy, merciful, just, and gracious. Whatever He does is always right and good.

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: “Take a Milk Bath”


Take a Milk Bath

A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty
gallons of milk.

The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was
going to do with that much milk.

“I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed
a milk bath.”

The clerk asked, “Pasteurized?”

She replied, . . . “No just up to my chin.”

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“What is the difference between fornication and adultery?”


 The modern dictionary definitions of fornication (voluntary sexual intercourse between persons not married to each other, which would include adultery) and adultery (voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse) are simple enough, but the Bible gives us greater insight into how God perceives these two sexual sins. In the Bible, both are referred to literally, but both are also used figuratively to refer to idolatry.

In the Old Testament, all sexual sin was forbidden by the Mosaic Law and Jewish custom. However, the Hebrew word translated “fornication” in the Old Testament was also in the context of idolatry, also called spiritual whoredom. In 2 Chronicles 21:10-14; God struck Jehoram with plagues and diseases because he led the people into idolatry. He “caused the people of Jerusalem to commit fornication” (v. 11, KJV) and “to go lusting like the fornications of the house of Ahab” (v. 13 NKJV). King Ahab was the husband of Jezebel, a priestess of the lascivious god Baal, who led the Israelites into idol worship of the most egregious kind. In Ezekiel 16, the prophet Ezekiel describes in detail the history of God’s people turning away from Him to “play the harlot” with other gods. The word “fornication,” meaning idolatry, is used numerous times in this chapter alone. As the Israelites became known among the nations round about them for their wisdom, riches, and power, which was a snare to them as a woman’s beauty is to her, they were admired and courted and complimented by their neighbors, and so drawn into idolatrous practices. The word “fornication” is used in connection with pagan idolatry because much of pagan “worship” included sex in their rites. Temple prostitutes were common in the worship of Baal and other false gods. Sexual sin of all kinds was not only accepted in these religions, but encouraged as a means to greater blessings from the gods for the worshippers, particularly in the increase of their flocks and crops.

In the New Testament, “fornication” comes from the Greek word porneia, which includes adultery and incest. Porneia comes from another Greek word that also includes indulging in any kind of unlawful lust, which would include homosexuality. The use of the word in the gospels and the epistles is always in reference to sexual sin, whereas “fornication” in the book of Revelation always refers to idolatry. The Lord Jesus condemns two of the churches of Asia Minor for dabbling in the fornication of idolatry (Revelation 2: 14, 20), and He also refers to the “great harlot” of the end times, which is the idolatrous false religion “with whom the kings of the earth committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth were made drunk with the wine of her fornication” (Revelation 17:1-2; NKJV).

Adultery, on the other hand, always refers to the sexual sin of married people with someone other than their spouse, and the word is used in the Old Testament both literally and figuratively. The Hebrew word translated “adultery” means literally “breaking wedlock.” Interestingly, God describes the desertion of His people to other gods as adultery. The Jewish people were regarded as the spouse of Jehovah, so when they turned to the gods of other nations, they were compared to an adulterous wife. The Old Testament often referred to Israel’s idolatry as a wanton woman who went “whoring after” other gods (Exodus 34:15-16; Leviticus 17:7; Ezekiel 6:9 KJV). Further, the entire book of Hosea likens the relationship between God and Israel to the marriage of the prophet Hosea and his adulterous wife, Gomer. Their marriage was a picture of the sin and unfaithfulness of Israel which, time after time, left her true husband (Jehovah) to commit spiritual adultery with other gods.

In the New Testament, the two Greek words translated “adultery” are nearly always used, from their contexts, to refer literally to sexual sin involving married partners. The only exception is in the letter to the church of Thyatira which was condemned for tolerating the “woman Jezebel who calls herself a prophetess” (Revelation 2:20). This woman drew the church into immorality and idolatrous practices and anyone seduced by her false doctrines was considered to have committed adultery with her.

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: “The Efficiency Expert”


The Efficiency Expert

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
You don’t want to try these techniques at home:

“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert
explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove,
table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I
told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’ “

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes
to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”

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