GRIN AND SHARE IT: Goat for Dinner


Goat for Dinner

The young couple invited their elderly preacher for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. “Goat,” the little boy replied.

“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?”

“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'”


 

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: Nuts


Nuts

A preacher went to visit an eldrly woman from his church who had just had an operation. As he was sitting there talking with her, he noticed a bowl of peanuts on the stand next to the bed. He began to eat them, and soon it was time for him to leave. When he got up he noticed he had eaten all of her peanuts.

“Sister Jones,”he said” I’m sorry I ate all of your peanuts.”

She replied “That’s okay pastor, I already sucked all of the chocolate off of them.”

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FOR PREACHERS ONLY: Don’t Worry, Be Happy!


Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

(A Sermon Outline)

Text:  Psalms 37:1-8

Introduction:  How many believe it is wrong to steal and with the help of God you don’t plan to steal?  How many believe it is wrong murder and with the help of God you don’t plan to murder?  How many believe it is wrong to blaspheme  and with the help of God you don’t plan to blaspheme?  How many believe it is wrong to worry and with the help of God you don’t plan to worry?  We are commanded three times in our text to “fret not”!  In other words, “Don’t worry.”  This command is recorded 365 times in the Bible; one for each day of the year.

How may we overcome worry and be happy?

1. Trust In The Lord
(“Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.” vs. 3)

Never worry about things you can not control; never worry about things you can control.  “For every evil under the sun there is a cure or there is none.  If there be one, seek until you find it; if there be none, never mind it!”

“I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.”  (Psalms 37:25)

2. Delight In The Lord
(“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”  vs. 4)

If we are delighting in the Lord, the desires of our heart will be what God wants for us.  We may not get toys, but we have the desires of our heart filled.

Having “fun” is contingent upon our surroundings.  It is much like a thermometer fluctuating with surrounding circumstances.  Having “joy” controls our attitude in any surrounding.  It is much like a thermostat.

3. Commit To The Lord
(“Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”  vs. 5)

If a person deposits $500,000 into a Bank Savings Account, it would be foolish to get a pistol and stand guard at the Bank door to keep someone from stealing it.  The money was committed to the Bank and it is the job of the Bank to care for it.  When we commit our problems to God, we need not worry about them.  It is His responsibility to care for them.

Worry is faith in reverse.  A grandfather clock had been ticking-tocking for 20 years and it began to calculate how many times it ticked-tocked in a year.  It reasoned that it ticked-tocked 2 times per second; 120 times per minute; 7,200 per hour; 172,000 times per day; 1,290,000 per week; 62 million times per year.  It was on the verge of having nervous clock breakdown.  It went to a clock psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist ask the clock how many ticks did it make at a time.  The clock responded, “one.”  The psychiatrist instructed the clock to just think about ticking one tick at a time.  The grandfather clock is now faithfully ticking one tick at a time.

Jesus taught us to live life one day at a time. (Matt. 6:31-34)

4. Rest In The Lord
(“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.”  vs. 7)

If somebody has done you wrong, simply turn them over to God.  The Lord will take care of them.  “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”  (Romans 12:190

The problem with getting even with people that have done you wrong is that you become even with them at their low level.

If people are critical of you, do not worry about it.  Turn them over to God.  Remember no one criticises a corps. If you want no criticism or enemies do nothing, know nothing, have nothing.  You will have criticism if you do more, know more and have more than your critics.

Conclusion:  A man was walking by the sea on a cleft when darkness fell.  He frantically tried to reach safety when his feet slipped.  He grabbed a limb of a tree and began yelling for help.  His arms and hands grew tired.  He could no long hold on to the limb; he closed his eyes and let go.  He fell….two inches.  He did not know that he was hanging above another cleft.

Many are speeding through life attempting to have peace by holding on to material things.  We need to let go and fall safely onto the Rock: Jesus Christ.  Jesus invites the man who is unsaved to come to Him and find rest.  (Matt. 11:28)

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Why Is Charity Greater Than Faith And Hope?


I preached for years that charity (love) was greater than faith and hope.  I did not really understand why, but I knew the Word of God said it.  “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”  (I Cor. 13:13)  I began to study for an answer to the question: Why is charity greater than faith or hope?

Faith:  “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  (Heb. 11:1)  Faith is temporary.  When we meet Jesus face to face in heaven there will be no more faith.  Our faith will be replaced by fact.

God has no faith.  In whom or in what would He have faith?  We are not like God when we have faith.

Hope:  “But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.”  (Rom. 8:25)  This hope is not wishful thinking.  It is divine anticipation of an event we know will happen and eagerly look forward to it’s happening.  Hope is temporary.  When we see Jesus face to face in heaven, our hope will have been realised.

God has no hope.  For what would He hope?  We are not like God when we hope.

Charity:  God is love.  (I John 4:8)  Love is eternal.  When we get to heaven our love for God and others will never die.

God loves.  We are more like God when we love than when we have faith and hope.  This truth explains why the Bible records that love is greater.

“Love is a symbol of eternity.  It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.”  —  Author Unknown

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GRIN AND SHARE IT: “Let It Walk”


LET IT WALK

Down in the south, there are many churches known as “answer back” churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said “If this church is to become better, it must take up it’s bed, and walk.” The congregation said “Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk.”

Encouraged by their response, he went further. “If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it’s hindrances and run!” The congregation replied, “Let it run, preacher, let it run!”

Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. “If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it’s wings and fly!” “Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!” the congregation shouts.

The Preacher gets louder. “If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!”

The congregation replied. “Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk.”

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Are all sins really equal?


My father, grandfather, uncle and cousin were all Baptist preachers.  I grew up hearing preachers preach and teachers teach that sin is sin and all sins are equal in God’s sight.  As I grew older and began to seriously study the Bible and it’s teaching on sin, I came to the conclusion that all sins are not equal.

Pilate told Jesus that he had the power to set him free.  Jesus let him know quickly that the only power he had was given to him by God.  Jesus answered, ” Thou couldest have no power at all against me, except it were given thee from above:  therefore he that delivered me unto thee hath the greater sin.”  (John 19:11)  Christ said that the sin of betrayal by Judas was greater than the sin committed by Pilate.

One sin is so bad that it is unpardonable — the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (Matt.12:32).  Other sins are not as bad and can be forgiven.

Jesus said, “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!  for ye pay tithes of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith:  these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.”  (Matt. 23:23)  Christ taught that some matters of the law were not as “weighty” as others.

It is interesting to note that when Solomon listed the seven sins that God hates and are an abomination unto Him, “A proud look” was first on the list.  (Proverbs 6:17)

It is wrong to disobey civil law and go 63 mph in a 60 mph zone.  That is not nearly as wrong as murdering your neighbor.

The only sin that condemns a person is the sin of unbelief.  (John 3:18)  This is the mother of all sins.

It is true that sin is sin.  It is also true that, according to the Bible, not all sins are equal.  Let’s be honest with the Word of God.

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Grin and Share It: BIBLE TRIVIA


 

BIBLE TRIVIA

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?

A.Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?

A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?

A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?

A. Joshua, son of Nun.

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Grin and Share It: “Getting Into Heaven”


GETTING INTO HEAVEN

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates.St. Peter explains that it’s not easy to get into heaven.

There are some criteria that must be met before entry is allowed. For example, was the man a church-goer or religious? No?
St. Peter told him that’s bad.

Was he generous, giving money to the poor or to charities? No?
St. Peter told him that that, too, was bad.

Did he do any good deeds, such as helping his neighbor? Anything? No?
St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated,the Saint says,’Look, everybody does something nice sometime.Work with me, here! I’m trying to help. Now think!’

The man thinks for a minute, then says,’Well, I did help this old lady once. I came out of a store and saw that a dozen Hell’s Angels had taken her purse and were shoving her around. I threw my bags down and got her purse back, then I told the biggest biker there that he was cowardly and I spat in his face.’

‘Wow,’ said St. Peter,’That’s impressive! When did this happen?’
‘Oh, about 15 minutes ago,’ replied the man.

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For Preachers Only: “Paul In A Basket”


Paul In A Basket

(A Sermon Outline)

Text:  “In Damascus the governor under Aretas the king kept the city of the Damascenes with a garrison, desirous to apprehend me; and through a window in a basket was I let down by the wall, and escaped his hands.”  (2 Cor. 11:32-33)
Introduction:  I have heard many sermons preached with Paul as the subject.  I have heard sermons on, “Paul Saved on The Road to Damascus”, “Paul and Silas In Jail” and “Paul’s Message on Mars Hill.”  I have never heard a sermon on, “Paul In a Basket.”
Paul was in trouble.  He had been preaching in Damascus when  Aretas, the king, ordered his capture.  He wanted to execute the great missionary.  The houses in Damascus were constructed on top of the huge  wall that surrounded the city.  The soldiers had locked the gates and were searching each house for Paul.  Paul was in trouble and a small band of Christians rushed to his aid.  One ran and got  a rope; another a basket.  Someone tied the rope onto the basket.  One of Paul’s friends opened the window of his house,  Paul climbed into the basket, and was carefully lowered down beside the wall until the basket touched the ground.  Paul than headed for another city to preach the gospel.
What can we extract from these two small verses in the big Bible that might be of practical help?
I. THE IMPORTANCE OF SMALL THINGS
(Paul’s friends did not have an elevator or escalator to use in rescuing Paul; They only had a rope and a basket.  These were small, ordinary household items, but when dedicated to the cause of Christ, God blessed them and they were used to save the life of Paul.)
  “For who hath despised the day of small things…?  (Zech. 4:10)
All David had was a sling shot.  All the lad had was five loaves and two fish.  All these Christians had was a rope and a basket.  When ordinary people dedicate ordinary things to Christ, they are used to accomplish large things.
It may seem a small thing,  but go ahead and send that card; go ahead and pray that prayer; go ahead and make that call; go ahead and teach that child; go ahead and make that visit.

“For want of a nail, the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe, the horse was lost; for want of a horse, the rider was lost; for want of a rider, the message was lost; for want of the message, the battle was lost; for want of the battle, the war was lost.  And all for the want of a nail.”

(an old English nursery rhyme)

2. THE IMPORTANCE OF COOPERATIVE SERVICE
(Someone had to run and fetch a basket.  Someone had to get a rope.  Someone had to tie the rope to the basket.  Someone had to open the window.  It took more than one person to hold the rope as they lowered Paul down the wall.  They cooperated together and got the job done.)
These folks must not have been Baptist; they cooperated together without getting into a fuss!  What would have happened if they had begun to argue about who knew how to tie the best knot or who was going to get to stand at the head of the rope so they could see Paul when he hit the ground?  The soldiers would have captured Paul and ended his ministry.
What are the names of these Christians?  We don’t know; they were not recorded in Scripture.  They are mentioned again in Acts 9:25, but no names are given.  They did not care about their names being recorded, to be noticed in future generations.  They did what they did simply because they loved Christ and wanted to further the gospel.
When is the last time you did something for Christ that nobody knows about?
All believers should cooperate with other believers in a local church.  (Eph. 3:21)  The Lord does not need a “Lone Ranger”, He needs soldiers of the cross working with other soldiers.

Too many Christians act as if they are “Secret Agents” in the army of God.
Some say that do not like organized religion.  They must prefer disorganized religion.
The difference between a mob and an army is organization.  The difference between a junk pile and a locomotive is organization.
Every Christian should be a member of an organized local church cooperating with other members in: praying, giving, witnessing, singing, etc.
3. THE IMPORTANCE OF DOING THINGS WELL
(What would have happened if the person that weaved the basket had done a sloppy job?  It could have torn and Paul could have  fallen to his death.  What would have happened if the person that spun the rope hadn’t paid  much attention to what he was doing?  It could have broken and Paul could have fallen to his death.  What would have happened if the person that tied the rope unto the basket hadn’t taken  the job seriously?  It could have slipped and Paul could have fallen to his death.  These people did what they did well and therefore were successful in their mission.)
If you are going to preach a sermon, study and pray; do your very best.  If you are going to teach a class, study and pray; do your very best.  If you are going to sing a special, practice and pray; do your very best.  (Rom. 12:1)
The only instrument God has never learned to play is second-fiddle.
Success  in God’s work is about 98% perspiration and 2% inspiration.
Conclusion:  Christ came that you may live the best life possible.  (John 10:10)  Life does not begin at 40, it begins at Calvary.   The cross is not a minus, it is a plus.  Only with Jesus can you do well in living your life.
John Dillinger was public enemy number one.  He had killed several people and terrorized the Midwest for years.  On Sunday, July 22, 1934, he walked out of the Biograph Theatre with a lady dressed in orange.  He was shot dead by the FBI.  A reporter for a Chicago paper featured a picture of his feet on the front page the following morning.  The caption read:
“These Are The Feet Of John Dillinger.”  The article that followed asked what would have happen if those feet had been led to Sunday School?  A 31 year old man had lived a wasted life that ended in tragedy.

The importance of small things:  What if a Christian had taken the time to witness to him while he was a child?

The importance of cooperative service:  What if churches, small groups and other faith-based groups had taken a sincere interest in reaching John while he was growing up with is grandparents.  (His mother died when he was three.)

The importance of doing things well.  John Dillinger is a classic example of someone who did not live life well.  He settled for the temporal rather than the eternal.  His void violent life is a picture of a person who does not have Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.

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A Funny Story: “The Smartest People In The World”


SMARTEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.” He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The ‘smartest man in the world’ just took off with my back pack.”

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